Preparation

Definition and background

This is exactly what feedback is for: to strengthen trust and appreciation - and of course to help each other move forward. True to the motto: Do you still know - or are you already learning? Presented here is a method of feedback that aims to strengthen trust and appreciation. It is very simple to understand - and often very challenging to implement. Effective feedback succeeds when three elements are carefully prepared and well observed:  What is my attitude? - What are the facts? - What emotions does it trigger in me?

Hint: If you give feedback, it's more about you than about the other person. What do I want to achieve, what bothers me or pleases me, what facts do I use to achieve this?

What is my concern, what would I like to report back?

Describe it in one or two short sentences.





Be sure to give feedback promptly! Whether the content is joyful or difficult is irrelevant. The preparation is always exactly the same! 

How do I feel as a feedback giver with the request? What do I feel?





Name your own feelings precisely. Trouble? Joy? Support? Doubts? 

What exactly happened?





Precision is important here. Limit yourself to clearly verifiable facts. "You're always late" is imprecise. "You were late twice last week, on Tuesday and Friday" is precise.

"Your presentation was great." is imprecise. "The customers listened to you attentively from A-Z" is precise. 

What do I want to achieve with the feedback?





This will clarify your position. Is it about reprimanding, encouraging, strengthening strengths? 

The feedback only works if your attitude is clear and if there is at least a hint of goodwill. This may be most difficult when reprimanding. The aim here can be to show what is urgently needed to ensure that cooperation is successful in the future. 

What do I need so that I can name all of the above without letting my emotions get the better of me?





  • When is a good time (note: feedback only works promptly! Procrastination is harmful)

  • When is a good time for a vis-à-vis? When he or she is in a good mood, things go better.

  • How do I want to invite people? Say what it's about or not?

  • Where are we undisturbed and on good ground? Will my office help me, do we do it in the neutral meeting room?

  • How am I doing? Cf. "Appreciation"

Effective leadership recognises emotions - without being infected by them.


There are dozens of emotions in our everyday (working) lives, both positive and negative:

  • Surprise
  • Joy
  • Hope
  • Love
  • Admiration
  • Gratitude
  • Pride
  • Schadenfreude
  • Disappointment
  • Sadness
  • Outrage
  • Compassion
  • Scare
  • Disgust
  • Hate
  • Shame

Realisation

Good preparation is half the battle. The procedure is as follows:


  1. Announce that feedback is coming (if not already in the invitation) and check whether it fits. Sprinkle in a pinch of "advertising".  If your vis-à-vis is not receptive, all your efforts are in vain.

    You, I would like to give you some feedback on the subject of XYZ. It is important to me because I simply want to deal with such things openly and I am convinced that it will help us move forward. Is it okay if we look at this now? I think it will take about 10 minutes.

    If you say no: OK, then let me know when you can. Insist that promptly.

If MA immediately starts: "oh there, yes you know, that was so…" Stop and say: We can talk about it. I invited people and prepared myself. I would like to start with my points.

  1. Why it's important to me to talk about it (if it hasn't already happened enough at 1). A framework must be created here, especially when something difficult to digest is coming.

    Now comes something that is probably not easy for you. Nevertheless, I will address it openly. I am doing this because it is important to me and I also believe that we will overcome this issue.

  2. Facts: Very precise facts

    We agreed that you would deliver by Wednesday. I didn't hear from you beforehand. On Wednesday you told me when I asked why it was taking a week longer.

    Just see if you agree on the facts. A short pause is enough here, do not ask.  If they are prepared precisely, they cannot usually be questioned. In the case of imprecise facts "You always deliver too late", the response would be immediate and justified: "That's not true, I delivered on time for topic X."

  3. Emotion: Precise description of your own emotion 

    … This gives me the feeling that I can't rely on you.

    Named emotions are effective.

Acting out emotions is harmful: "This is a disaster, we can't…"



  1. Conclusion - Subject-specific.

    1. Can you see that? How can we do better next time?

    2. Think about it, we'll talk about it again in 2 days (in case MA is surprised, overwhelmed)

    3. Thank you. For praise.

    4. …


(Tip for memorising: The hand has five fingers: Announce, Why, Fact, Emotion, Conclusion)


Sources and references

(c) 2023, Stefan Heer

Rudolph, 2015 

Feedback basics